Heartbreak

3 Signs Your Relationship Is Headed Downhill Fast

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couple having serious talk

Let’s begin this conversation with a couple of facts. Most people don’t intend to hurt, you. Secondly, the majority of people who end up with their feelings smashed to smithereens did it to themselves. But, things don’t have to end up that way if you’d simply use your head. It’s not rocket science to understand that it’s a heck of a lot easier to see things in hindsight as opposed to foresight.

But, life isn’t meant to be lived that way. That statement is far more than a cliché, it’s a loathsome fact, especially when it comes to avoiding needless heartbreak. Most of our heartbreaks are self-inflicted and could have easily been avoided by doing one simple thing: Being present in the moment!

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All of the anger, and all of the frustration, including, but not limited to the disappointments and calamity, you’ve experienced in your love life are nobody’s fault but your own. Those things are the result of you hearing what you wanted to hear, seeing what you wanted to see, and while getting caught up in your “feelings.”

You could have easily avoided all of that had you engaged in purposeful, transparent, heartfelt interactions with people as opposed to rushing headlong into those feel-good flash-in-the-pan romances.

Being present in the moment is far more than a new ideology; it’s an emotional survival strategy. It is nothing more than being proactive while practicing cognizant conscientious psychological maneuvering.

I’m not advocating that in every potential romantic relationship you take on an all-consuming ride-or-die attitude, nor am I suggesting you walk on eggshells.

There is a middle. That middle is called coherence. You can avoid the crash and burn provided you pay attention to the signs that you’re headed toward a broken heart. There are signs that you may be in the wrong relationship.

By now, more than likely you're thinking, “Dr. Young, what are those signs?”  I’m glad you ask. Here are a few examples of things you should NOT ignore:

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Here are three signs your relationship is going downhill fast:

1. Your values are not in sync.

An example of this is that you are religious and the other person is spiritual. Though this seems like it’s no big deal, however over time this possesses the potential to become a consequential issue. Your belief in, and need for, the religious structure is more than likely deep-rooted. Whereas the lack thereof in your mate's belief system will inevitably become a source of conflict.

As they are naturally accepting of all religions and don’t need titles, you do. You could easily end up living in hell on earth, as opposed to going to hell in the afterlife. Being totally honest about your beliefs up front could have easily prevented you from this easily avoidable situation.

2. You like sensuality, they like sex.

Believe it or not, though closely related, sex and sensuality are two very different things. At first, you may, or may not, notice the difference, but give it a moment. You need to be cuddled, you need true intimacy. Moreover, your need to hold hands and do PDA is far different than your partner's need to just get off when the urge hits.

During the honeymoon period sensuality and sex “appear” to be in sync. But before long those lines get blurred. Over time, after the honeymoon is over and after the infatuation wears off, the veil is lifted, and the truth is revealed.

Now, he just wants a blow job and a release, and you want hot steamy romance. “Houston, we have a problem.” Had you simply been honest about your real feelings and attitudes about sex you could have avoided this. FYI – Sex and Sensuality are needed if you’re to have a lasting fulfilling love life.

3. You’re emotional, Your mate is logical.

This is far bigger than your Myers-Briggs Type. If you’re over twenty-five years old, more than likely you know if you’re predisposed to looking at things logically, or if you commonly see things through your emotions.

Emotional people and logical people can get along, but it takes awareness and effort to do so. Moreover, how you handle your perceptive preference will either make or break your relationship. Emotional personality types tend to be very expressive, which, to logical personality types, comes across as being over-emotional.

Logical personality types are rooted in cause and effect, and results-oriented thinking. Often feeling personality types perceive this as being uncaring and detached. In either case, it’s very easy to misinterpret the actions and attitudes of the other. Over time, such miscommunication will wreck even the best relationship.

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How do you handle pressure? It’s not uncommon for people to get so overly caught up in a stress-filled pressurized moment that they fail to see how they are being perceived by a significant other. No matter how you react to pressure, whether you maintain a stoic matter-of-fact demeanor, or have momentary distressed hysteria, either may end up costing you your relationship.

How you manage or even mismanage, pressure can make or break your relationship. Most people are either rescuers or victims. Seldom is there a middle? Nonetheless, in relationships, this is the straw that will sooner than later break the Camel's back. Especially if you continue to do, or tolerate the same thing.

Men may pretend to be the guy in the white hat, but the truth is over time they’d rather wear a cap.

The damsel in distress may get his attention, and even validate his ego, but over time it will cause him to get fed up and leave.

Likewise, women love a vulnerable sensitive man, but the majority of women are looking for a man who can handle pressure and solve problems, not a little boy that needs a surrogate mom. Put mildly, what you do when the chips are down, and how you handle pressure, will either make or break your relationship.

Never ignore signs you’re in the wrong relationship.

Be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. Stop pretending to be someone that you are not. Be true to yourself.

Prior to dating anyone, get to know yourself. Know your must-haves and can’t stand. Take a long and hard look at who you really are, then either accept yourself for who you really are, or make the necessary changes to better yourself. Lastly, ask yourself this question: if I had to deal with his/her attitude about ____________, over a period of months or even years would it be a deal maker.

If the answer is yes, cut your losses early. Stop being so desperate for love that you’ll compromise yourself to get it. Lying to others is shameful enough, but when you lie to yourself, now that’s just a damn shame.

Life is too short and death is too long to ignore signs you’re in the wrong relationship. As long as you remain in a dysfunctional relationship you’re making four people miserable: yu, the person you're with, and the two people God had originally intended you to meet.

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Dr. D Ivan Young is a master certified coach and relationship expert.

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This article was originally published at DrDIvanYoung.Org. Reprinted with permission from the author.