How To Get Him To See You As Relationship Material, Not As A Hook-Up

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man and woman in bed

The difference between having a relationship with a guy and being just a hookup for him has everything to do with the time of day. You set the tone based on the time you continually meet him. You can turn your friends with benefits into a relationship, but first, we need to change the scenery and turn the lights on.

If you want relationships more than a hookup, you need light.

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Meeting a guy at a club when you're in full makeup and dress spells hookup if you're not careful.

Guys always want you at night. If you fall for the initial attraction and don't do your homework, then you're headed for an often less than memorable one-night stand. You can't put the cart before the horse.

The trick of turning it into a relationship is the daytime.

If a guy wants to be with you in the daytime when you're not in full makeup, then we have something to talk about. He needs to see you in your natural habitat, no eye makeup and carting your giant purse that holds everything you've loved dearly for 2 years straight.

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Evening dates are sexy and romantic, and smoldering eyes are great. However, it's the sun and the light of day that make things real. Before you have sex with a guy, spend the other 23 hours of the day with him.

Go for a walk together and be side by side. Let him take you for a drive and be his co-pilot. Adventures and changes of scenery build relationships and allow him to see you as more than just a hookup. 

The foundation of a relationship is the ability to have a conversation. A relationship is a conversation that doesn't end. Find out if you have things to talk about. Telling you that you look hot is not a conversation, it's the beginning of a hookup.

Find out what it's like to be with him all day before you have sex with him all night, rather than after.

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You can't build a friendship after the first time you have sex. Give the both of you a chance to slowly build the anticipation so you can land comfortably into each other's arms because you've taken the time to like each other.

Lust is for amateurs, anyone can do it. Meanwhile, like takes time and is more enduring — it leads to love. 

Until he knows he can be with you in the daytime and enjoy it, you are only hooking up.

If you're okay with that, it's not a problem. If you want more of a connection wait until you see him in the daytime to build a relationship (for more on this read A Life Of Love).

James Allen Hanrahan is a dating relationship coach in Los Angeles. Get his Chemistry to Commitment formula.

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